Pastor’s Page – February 2020

“Why did the horse need soap?”

I’ve always had fun with what I call “looney lyrics.” Said a few myself. The technical word is “mondegreens”. Words to songs we can’t understand. So we fill in the blanks. We do that with people too and predictably, it frequently comes up looney. Christmas songs are not exempt. Some of it comes from unfamiliarity with the context. In a song, it’s hard to tell the context. If the words are smothered by loud background music or jumbled together on the wrong ak-sent, we fill in the blanks, mostly inaccurate but always funny once you learn the real thing.

Some of it comes from inexperience. When I was a kid before I had the word “civil” in my vocabulary, I thought the war-between-the-states was “The Silver War.” I thought they were fighting over silver! Maybe in some ways they were. If us southerners had just picked our own cotton!

Modern pop groups are notorious for being misunderstood. Before my kids corrected me, I used to sing the Rolling Stones song “I’ll Never Be Your Pizza Burger.” (Beast of Burden). The best one of all time has to be Creedence Clear Water Revival’s “There’s the bathroom on the right.” (Bad Moon on the Rise). Elvis’ “Don’t be Cruel” came out “Well its-a lo’clock, 2 0’clock threechl” (Walk up to the preacher). The best of the Beatles: “The girl with kaleidoscope eyes,” “the girl with colitis goes by.” Abba? “See that girl, watch her scream, kicking the dancing queen.” (diggin’)

Even the hymnal is not unscarred: “Ride on O Kinky Turtle.” (King Eternal). A dentist’s hymn: “Crown Him with Many Crowns.” Contractor’s hymn: “The Church’s One Foundation.” Politicians get one: “Standing on the Promises.” (Yeah right!) For the politicized IRS: “l Surrender All.” And gossips: “Pass it On.” Electricians: “Send the Light.” Shoppers: “Sweet Buy & Buy.” Massage Therapist: “He Touched Me.” For horny teenagers: “O why not tonight?” In the Garden: “Andy walks with me.” (Who is Andy?)

Now for the Christmas ones. First in Espanol: “Fleas naughty dog.” (Feliz Navidad). “O what fun it is to ride, in a I-horse soap and slay.” “He’s makin’ a list, chicken and rice!” Winter Wonderland. “Later on we’ll perspire as we drink by the fire.” The Rudolphies? “Rudolph the red-nosed stranger.” “Won’t you guard my slave tonight?” ” u’ll go down in Listerine!” And of course there’s “Olive the other reindeer!” (Musta been RudVs gal). Frosty the snowman “is a ferret elf I say!” (Fairy tale they say). “On the 1st day of Christmas my tulip gave to me.” It wouldn’t be complete without a racist one: “In the meadow we will build a snowman. We’ll pretend that he is sparse and brown.” Even the terrorists:’ “O tiny bomb, O tiny bomb” (Tannenbaum). “Get dressed ye married gentlemen.” “Deck the halls with poison ivy.” Or if you prefer, with “Buddy Holly.”

I say we dedicate the carols to overweight Round John. (Round YON virgin mother & child). “We 3 kings of porridge and tar.” “0 Come froggy faithful ‘{With the jelly toast proclaim,” (Angelic hosts). “Sleep in heavenly peas.” “While shepherd’s washed their socks by night. Joy to the world, the Lord has gum.” “He rules the world with Ruth and Grace.” For King Barney: “Noel, Noel, BarneVs the king of Israel”

All I gotta say is, I hope ya’ll have a sense of humor! Me? I love to laugh. It’s good for the soul.

Br’er Da